The NFL season is coming to an end, college football is over, and fans are tuning into the NBA with new interest. (Not you; I know Basketball Poetry readers are glued to their League Pass split-screens every night.) But there are so many options; how do they choose who to watch? Here’s a handy guide!
Let me preface this by saying I love watching all the teams, even the ones that hurt my eyeballs. I’ll happily tune in to the Detroit Pistons’ intra-squad scrimmage over nearly anything else on TV. Despite that, it should go without saying that my rankings are perfectly objective and universally applicable to every watcher of ball.
I factor in a number of things. Winning basketball is very important, but sorry, Lombardi, it isn’t the only thing. Intriguing young players, new-look rosters, gorgeous jerseys and courts, a solid (or execrable) broadcast team… these all matter to night-in and night-out watchability.
Unfortunately, someone has to be my lowest-recommended team. I don’t think too many people will disagree that it should be the…
30) Detroit Pistons
The thing that hurts here isn’t that the Pistons are so, so bad. Well, that does hurt, so I take it back. But they aren’t even playing the players they should be.
Monty Williams is in the first year of a deal that, when signed, briefly made him the highest-paid coach in the league. I’m not sure what the Pistons ever did to Monty Williams, but he seems to be making it his goal to ruin the franchise forever. He’s off to a roaring start.
Unlike some analysts, I didn’t expect Detroit to be competitive; I had them comfortably 14th in the East in the preseason. But to be this bad and not be playing your most promising (or at least unknown!) young guys is egregious malpractice.
Killian Hayes is arguably the most damaging offensive player I’ve ever seen get consistent NBA minutes, and he has started most of the year. Kevin Knox is playing 20 minutes per night; he hasn’t even played that poorly, but we know Knox is a borderline NBA player. Why not give Marcus Sasser or Ausar Thompson those minutes instead?
Most of the young Pistons can’t or haven’t shot well. but if you’re playing known commodities that also can’t shoot, what is the point? What is the point?
Some good news: Cade Cunningham has looked vastly improved as the season has gone on. In 13 December games, he averaged 25/8/5 on 50% from the field and 35% from three. And that’s while playing on the same team as Killian Hayes! I’ve been lower on Cade in the past than some, but I actually feel better about him this year than I did previously. Imagine what he could do in something approaching an NBA-level ecosystem?
That’s all I’ve got. Detroit, get it together, man. (I’ll still watch you.)
29) Washington Wizards
This team is almost what everyone expected — except Jordan Poole has been even worse than anyone thought.
Bad teams lead to selfish tendencies as guys start looking out for themselves. Kyle Kuzma has reverted into some savage ballhoggery, in particular. But he’s at least made a couple of shots — Poole is shooting 41 percent from the field and making less than a third of his triples. He’s had flashes, particularly when he’s played more point guard, and he’s sneakily having a career-best season at the rim — his 70% finishing number is excellent for his position and size. He still possesses a panache that most NBA players can’t sniff. But the jumper has abandoned him, and without that, the rest of his game just doesn’t work. He and Kuzma on the floor together can be a slog to watch.
In better news, rookie Bilal Coulibaly keeps getting better on offense and provides surprisingly high-level defense. He’s looking like a really nice find in the draft.
Delon Wright is one of my favorite perimeter defenders. Corey Kispert is showing some nice dribble-drive development — he’s up to 68% on twos, a superb number, in addition to his usual marksmanship from outside.
Last year’s Cherry Blossoms were the most beautiful NBA jerseys since the original Miami Vices. This year’s edition lacks the same visual flair, but I appreciate that they taught me something new.
28) Brooklyn Nets
The Nets are in a weird place. They’re overflowing with quality players, but they don’t have the star(s) to be the rug that ties the room together (or whatever — I’m not an interior decorator).
The Mikal Bridges alpha tryout has been good fun, but he’s kicked the keg on all he can be as the team’s best player. Cam Thomas has a legion of diehard fans — guys who can make difficult shots look easy tend to do that. But he makes Kyle Kuzma and Jordan Poole look like Chris Paul. Per Stathead, Cam Thomas is one of five players in the three-point era to shoot at least 17 times per game while averaging fewer than 2.2 assists. Klay Thompson has done it twice, but I’m comfortable saying that Klay Thompson is a better shooter than Cam Thomas — and he certainly dribbles less.
Nic Claxton is being used in drop coverage more, which (like Bam Adebayo last year) takes away from his best defensive asset — versatility. Potential Ben Simmons intrigue has been washed away by another back injury (although a return is coming soon, perhaps? I’ll be honest, I don’t much care anymore).
Lonnie Walker has been fun when healthy — a high-flying, sweet-shooting bench player. Day’Ron Sharpe has shown remarkable improvement as a backup big, and Dennis Smith Jr. is still a defensive menace in the backcourt. But if we’re talking about low-ceiling reserves as the team’s biggest reason to watch… maybe we shouldn’t be watching much at all.
The Nets aren’t a terrible team, but it feels like a trade is incoming.
27) Memphis Grizzlies
Poor Memphis. Even more so than Charlotte, this season has been lost to injuries. Ja Morant came back after his suspension, looked great, then immediately tore his labrum, joining seemingly half the team in street clothes.
Desmond Bane has been predictably awesome. I’m thrilled they just signed Vince Williams Jr. to a long-term, fully guaranteed contract.
But there isn’t much to watch, because there just isn’t much here.
26) Charlotte Hornets
LaMelo Ball had an outstanding start to the year, improving in several of the ways I’d hoped for in the offseason. Brandon Miller, the rookie they selected with the second pick, has been exceeding expectations and already looks like a 3-and-D guy with legitimate star upside. They have Eric Collins, the most excitable and exciting play-by-play announcer in the league, and the jerseys and court are always gorgeous.
That’s all great! A strong infrastructure for success in these here rankings. Unfortunately, the team has been absolutely swamped by injuries. All of the team’s most exciting and/or best players have missed substantial time, and many seem likely to miss more. It makes for a tough watch. The Hornets’ continued employment of the deplorable Miles Bridges is a major knock against them, too. I like Terry Rozier as much as the next guy, but if he’s the main draw, we’ve got problems.
It’s all a bummer, because there is an alternate reality where they are one of the most fun, up-and-coming teams in the league. LaMelo Ball’s incoming return will help significantly, though, and is the reason they are even this high.
25) Chicago Bulls
The general discourse around the Bulls is all out of whack; I’ve heard people say they have the bleakest future of any NBA team, which is incorrect.
My main source of optimism, and the main reason to watch: Coby White, a player I’ve always liked but never thought was capable of this. When Zach LaVine went down with injury, White stepped up to the tune of 22/6/6 on solid efficiency, including 42% from deep.
Even LaVine’s recent return hasn’t slowed him, as he’s averaged 27 per game in the three games since. At just 23, White is still young enough to further develop.
Chicago is still stuck in the mud, but they seem likely to clear out some vets and start a rebuild. White’s emergence has made those prospects seem much more palatable.
24) Portland Trail Blazers
The Blazers should be higher than this.
Shaedon Sharpe pushes the boundaries of man-gravity relations. Anfernee Simons is a sky-kisser himself, and he might have one of the purest jumpers in the league. It’s hard to argue with 39% from deep on insanely high volume, especially when many of the shots are self-created off the dribble. Rookie Scoot Henderson has had a tumultuous start to his career, but he’s had some exciting moments of late. The game might be slowing down for him. Fellow frosh Toumani Camara has emerged as a defensive ace, and Duop Reath has been a fun discovery as a stretch five. The broadcast team and overall production is top-three in the league
Unfortunately, injuries to young big men Robert Williams and Deandre Ayton (who wasn’t exactly DominAyton to begin with) have cast a pall on the team. Even worse, after being a bad-but-feisty 2023, they’ve completely forgotten how to play basketball in 2024 — they have five losses by 20+ points, including yesterday’s 139-77 obliteration by the Thunder. That’s okay! But it does mean they are a tough recommendation to a neutral fan.
At least they aren’t wearing jerseys inspired by airport carpeting anymore.
23) Los Angeles Lakers
It’s not that the Lakers are bad; they’re perfectly mediocre (although that could be a worrying sign, considering how healthy and incredible both LeBron James and Anthony Davis have been).
It’s just that outside the brilliance of their two stars, there isn’t much to recommend them. Austin Reaves has been fine, but hasn’t pole-vaulted into stardom like he was expected to. No one else on this team brings much excitement.
If you’re tuning into the Lakers as a neutral fan, it’s to see James continue to perform at an All-NBA level as the oldest player in the league. It’s unbelievable, truly. And while that’s certainly worth watching, there are other, more compelling teams today.
22) Miami Heat
There is some joy to be found in the way coach Spoelstra shuffles lineups and rotations every night, trying out funky defenses and getting the utmost out of players who might not have made another NBA roster. Duncan Robinson should be a Most Improved candidate in the most literal sense, an older guy who has simply worked on his skills until they became viable in the NBA.
But the team is never at full health, and the offense can be a grind when Jimmy Butler isn’t playing. Even as someone who appreciates #HeatCulture, I find the courts and jerseys to be a bit self-fellating. The team’s fourth-quarter struggles have made for some ugly losses.
Miami has never cared about what you or I think, which is good. Because while I love the intricacies of Heat games, they’re a bottom-third team to watch for neutral fans flipping through League Pass.